Have you ever felt torn between playing it safe and taking a leap of faith? We’ve all been there. Here’s the thing: fear forces us to choose. We can cuddle up in our comfort zone or dive into the land of no guarantees – but we can’t have it both ways at the same time. We must all make the comfort or courage choice. Today, we will address the problem of letting irrational fears control that decision, leading to a life of stagnation and missed opportunities.
Let’s review fear for a moment. To dig deeper into understanding the anatomy of irrational threats and fear, check out our two-part article on “Unmasking Fear: the Mind’s Alarm System”. Fear is one of the most powerful forces shaping our behavior. We’ve all felt that intense emotion when we perceive danger or a threat. Our hearts race, our breathing quickens, and our muscles tense up – it’s our body’s way of preparing us for fight-or-flight.
At its core, fear exists to keep us safe. When we’re in real danger, fear gives us the motivation and physical readiness to either confront the threat or hightail it out of there. But here’s the problem: when our fear is rooted in irrational threats, it holds us back. We let fear run the show because we’re craving safety and comfort.
Whenever we feel afraid, whether it’s the fear of failure, rejection, or the unknown, the instinctive response is to seek safety. After all, nothing feels as reassuring as the warm embrace of what we know, right?
Sadly, by consistently favoring safety over risk in situations where the danger is irrational, we only empower fear to further control our lives. We send the message that fear is justified, that the threats it warns us about are legitimate and should be avoided at all costs.
This is how fear continues to grow and sustain itself. The more we surrender to it, the stronger it grows, until it becomes a powerful barrier between us and our dreams, ambitions, and potential.
Comfort or Courage: We Can’t Have Both
Here’s the truth. We can’t have both comfort and courage at the same time. They’re like oil and water, two fundamentally incompatible states of being. Comfort is all about what we know, what we’re used to. It’s where we naturally go when fear shows up. But when irrational fear shows up, it becomes a dead end where nothing ever moves forward.
Courage, on the other hand, means leaving our comfort zone and embracing the unknown. It’s about facing our irrational fears head-on and knowing that growth and fulfillment are waiting for us on the other side.
When we choose courage over comfort, we’re making a conscious decision to reject fear’s siren call. We’re acknowledging that temporary discomfort and uncertainty are small prices to pay for the opportunity to evolve and reach our full potential or the dreams we hold.
The Power of Our Thoughts
Our thoughts have an enormous impact on our emotions and actions. When we dwell on fearful thoughts, we keep ourselves trapped and unmotivated. However, if we shift our point of view, amazing possibilities can arise. Adopting a bolder mindset enhances our resilience and willingness to take calculated risks.
And then there are those stubborn habits we struggle with, which stem from our flawed thinking. When we hold on to false beliefs, our actions align with them, and repeated actions eventually turn into undesirable habits. So trying to change our behavior without digging deeper is like trying to fix a leaky roof by mopping the floor. It doesn’t get to the heart of the problem. If we really want to fix the issue, we’ve got to uncover our core beliefs. We need to roll up our sleeves and use the right tools to fix the problem. We grab the hammer and nails and leave the mop behind.
When we challenge and update the faulty long-held ideas in our core beliefs, our thoughts change. And when our thoughts change, boom! Our actions follow suit. It’s not easy, but when we finally rewire those beliefs, we’re making choices and taking actions that our old selves would never have dreamed of. So yeah, it’s a bit of a mind-bending process, but it’s worth the mental gymnastics.
Breaking the Fear Cycle
If we find ourselves trapped in irrational fear because of our thoughts, we need to know that we can break free. Changing our mindset isn’t a walk in the park, but with practice, we can do it. Here are a few strategies to get us started:
Question the fear: Whenever a fearful thought pops up, let’s challenge it. Is the threat valid or irrational? (link to article on Unmasking Fear Part 1) What evidence is there to support the fear? Often, we’ll find that our irrational fears are exaggerated or entirely unfounded.
Reframe our perspective: Instead of viewing challenges as threats, let’s try reframing them as opportunities for growth and learning. This simple shift in perspective can work wonders in reducing fear’s hold over us.
Surround ourselves with positivity: The people we spend time with and the media we consume can significantly influence our thought patterns. Let’s seek out positive, empowering influences that reinforce courage and resilience.
Celebrate the wins: Every time we face a fear, no matter how small, let’s celebrate our courage. Celebrating these wins with others also takes it up a notch. This positive reinforcement will make it easier to take on bigger challenges in the future.
Story Time:
Do you remember story time as a kid, when the room was filled with the sound of rustling pages turning and the feel of a warm, snuggly blanket wrapped around you? Let’s travel back there with a client story about this very topic.
Once upon a time, in a cozy little town, there lived a woman named Michelle. Michelle loved her home and knew every street and friendly face in her neighborhood. She was happy and content, never thinking she’d need to go far away.
One day, Michelle’s best friend told her some big news. “I got a huge promotion! So, I am leaving California and I’m moving to Texas! I wish I had help in getting everything organized once I get to Texas because I start work 3 days after I arrive, and I feel so overwhelmed. I mean, it’s a great opportunity, but there is so much to do,” her friend explained.
Because of the deep love she had for her long-time friend, Michelle, without hesitation, said, “Why don’t I come to Texas and stay with you for a few weeks to help you get on your feet?”
Her friend responded, “Are you serious? Would you actually do that? Michelle, this takes a huge load off me. You have no idea. Can’t wait to see you!”
After ending the call, Michelle was so excited to see her friend and thought about her promise. She realized that since she could be gone for an entire month, she would need to take her two fur babies, so flying was definitely out. After a quick Google map search, she realized she would have to drive over 2,000 miles for three whole days with just her two puppies for company. The road from Idaho to Texas would be long and unfamiliar.
The magnitude of the promise Michelle had made started to make her feel scared. What if her car stopped working? What if she couldn’t call for help in areas with no cell coverage and became stranded in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico? The temptation to cancel her commitment grew stronger. For just a moment, she contemplated breaking her promise and staying home, where everything felt safe and familiar.
Michelle discussed this matter with her life coach the next day. During her session, she and her coach did a deep dive into her belief system surrounding this trip. Michelle recognized she stood at a crossroads. She could choose the comfort of staying home, surrendering to her fears and reinforcing their power over her life. Or she could summon the courage to face the unknown, embracing the opportunity for growth that lay beyond her comfort zone.
Determined to overcome her fears, Michelle decided to confront them head-on. The coach asked Michelle questions to help her determine the legitimacy of the fears. Upon reflection, our heroine realized that her primary fear stemmed from a lack of self-sufficiency skills rather than the likelihood of encountering danger.
Together, she and her coach explored what self-sufficiency skills would be necessary to feel confident on her journey. Michelle recognized she wanted to have emergency automotive skills like how to change a tire, jump starting a battery and other basic car knowledge. They brainstormed about Michelle’s options for acquiring this knowledge. They even checked out Michelle’s support system and how they could help her out by being available on the phone for encouragement when she needed it. The session ended with Michelle agreeing to return to the next session, having learned three fundamental emergency automotive skills. And you know what? She did.
When it was time to pull out of the driveway, Michelle felt a little nervous but also excited. As she drove farther and farther from home, she felt braver and braver. She saw new places, solved little problems all by herself, and discovered she was stronger than she thought.
Three days later, Michelle arrived in Texas. She experienced a euphoric feeling of victory after conquering her irrational fears. To celebrate, she and her friend went out for a special Texas barbecue dinner. Mmmmm.
That night, as Michelle went to sleep in her friend’s new home, she smiled. She had faced her fears and won. She knew now that she could do anything she set her mind to, no matter how scary it seemed at first.
And so Michelle fell asleep, dreaming of all the new adventures waiting for her in the future.
The end.
Wrap Up:
Let’s break down Michelle’s success together, because we can all learn from her journey:
- Question the fear: She questioned the validity of her fear with her coach.
- Reframe the perspective: With her coach, she changed her view of the trip from a threat to an opportunity to develop crucial skills, and boost her confidence for future endeavors.
- Surrounded with positivity: To bolster her courage, Michelle surrounded herself with supportive friends who agreed to be available for phone calls during her journey, providing encouragement and reassurance whenever she felt overwhelmed.
- Celebrate the wins: Michelle marked her successes by sharing a celebratory dinner with her dear friend.
Michelle’s story teaches us all a valuable lesson about choosing courage over comfort. By choosing to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, Michelle had unlocked a world of possibilities and tapped into her true potential. She understood the value of having a supportive network and working with a life change coach who could help her break through self-limiting beliefs and patterns.
Let’s face it, conquering our fears isn’t a walk in the park. We’ve got to let go of those irrational fears that hold us back and see what we’re really capable of. So, what’s the payoff? It’s huge. Imagine having tremendous growth in resiliency skills and an overall greater sense of fulfillment. Just imagine that sense of freedom and joy!
Here’s the deal: if we want different results in our lives, we’ve got to be willing to think and act differently. Fear will always try to lure us back to safety and comfort, but we know the truth now – real growth and fulfillment are waiting for us on the other side of courage.
So, what’ll it be? Are we going to play it safe, or are we ready to embrace the unknown and all the amazing possibilities it holds? The choice is ours to make. Let’s be brave together!